Knowing when to divorce can be difficult, and it’s a decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly.
So how do you know if you should proceed? While there’s no magic answer for when to get a divorce, here are seven signs it might be time to take that next step:
1. You or your spouse is cheating
Trust is a cornerstone of all marriages. An unfaithful spouse can destroy the foundation of the relationship. There are instances when couples work to save their marriage after a spouse has an extramarital affair, but if this is a continuing pattern throughout the marriage the cheating spouse is unlikely to change, no matter how many times they may profess their regret and promise to change. At some point you, have to respect yourself and decide to strive to make a better example for your children. Don’t stay in a relationship because you are scared of being alone or breaking up the family.
2. You live separate lives
Simply put, you aren’t really in a relationship anymore. You may live under the same roof, but you rarely spend time together. You’ve moved into separate bedrooms. You don’t plan family dinners or outings anymore.
3. You are experiencing physical changes
You are constantly thinking about how unhappy or uncertain you are in your marriage that it is causing you to show physical symptoms. A sudden change in weight, insomnia, panic attacks, headaches, or hive break outs can all be signs that you should consider different options. You find yourself daydreaming about a life outside of this marriage.
4. You are a one-(wo)man show
The beginning of the marriage was full of promises of how each of you would support each other, but now, without any contribution from your spouse, you find yourself burning candles at both ends to keep your family afloat. You are the one responsible for financially supporting the family, transporting the kids to school and all their activities, helping with homework, cleaning, cooking, and errand running etc. You continue to ask for your spouse’s contribution but never see any effort.
5. You are in an abusive relationship
Abuse isn’t just physical. It comes in all forms, mental, emotional, psychological, and physical etc., and it doesn’t have to be a constant in your life.
6. You’re staying together for the sake of the kids
A number of parenting experts see one of the major risks to children of staying in a family that is loaded with anger, frustration, and pain is that they learn bad parenting skills that they will carry on to the next generation. Parents who can’t deal civilly with conflict or who contradict one another’s parenting decisions model an ineffective and potentially damaging style.
7. You’ve tried counseling, but it is not working
When someone acts as if they can’t wait to get out of the session, they’ve already decided that therapy won’t work and the relationship is over. If the stonewalling spouse isn’t willing to open up and express some thoughts and emotions with their partner, psychotherapist, the relationship won’t work.